the past week

haix should i go for YCM today?

this week has been a rather boring week. been watching/reading harry potter everyday whenever i have time. think i'm getting a little addicted. nevermind. i'll get over it as soon as i finish the book haha.

let me try to remember what i did for each day.

Monday was slack. released from school at 1130, i decided it was a great time to go to watch harry potter! especially since loads of people have already watched the movie and it was unlikely i could find someone to watch with me. I thought I'd managed to get Edmund and I tried to get others like Lumps, Jeremy and Casatrina to join but hmm i failed. In the end, only jun sheng go watch with me. But at least we got good seats for very cheap prices so i'm happy. (:

I thought the movie was rather good. I don't remember liking harry potter movies esp. the last few ones but somehow i enjoyed this one. Not sure why. maybe my mood was just great yesterday. or maybe cuz i don't remember the contents of the book so I don't realize some missing parts which I get rather irritated by. But overall the movie was good bah. Except the last part. omg. even i could make it more drama please.

hmm after i got home i went to watch harry potter and the order of phoenix. haha. CHO CHANG AND LUNA LOVEGOOD. omgg. hahaha i love their voice. aiyah esp. luna's haha. so cool. hmm. it's actually a little like lyn's voice. (:

den i turned mad and started reading harry potter againnn.. >< so sad i don't have the 7th book. so exciting.

tue was nat day meeting. nat day meeting was rather okay i guess. haha quite excited by the opening and the games. we need to make it super cool like taiwanese gameshows! (: RARRHH! go nat day! haha. working with krabbymooty and krabbypenny is quite fun haha. well well, we'll see what happens during workday.

yesterday was fun too. CO qing gong yan. haha. it was a little fail in the sense that there weren't any activities but at least i got to talk to perc mates again. haha. aiyahh. miss yongsheng, kweky, vic and liyuan so much. esp. yongsheng and his hand signs. unfortunately he was careful not to do it yesterday.. no fun. >< playing indian poker was fun too (: hope they'll continue coming to CO room to visit linghui and i. (:

okiess. shall go off now. bye (:

Patrick

thoughts.

It's always interesting to see how people think of you or how others think of other people. it's quite surprising sometimes. ><

i really wonder how people think of me haha. The usual concensus would be nice guy who does nothing but smile/laugh. haha. Closer friends will know some of my inner habits such as koping food and being egoistic and trying to suan people but usually failing to do so ><. but I guess everyone thinks of everyone differently so it's always interesting to find out what someone else thinks of you. It's a good way to improve oneself (:

And since Charmaine did a short post regarding me, I decided to find out what she thinks of me. haha.

Seems rather positive. Maybe because I decided to display my positive side during WLC heh? haha okay no luh. Since I don't know how to put a link to this post I shall just copy and paste it here...

"One of the few first impressions I had of you during the World Leadership Conference was that you're always trying your best despite the odds. Once you've set your mind on something, you'll see it through to the end. That's something I got to learn from you.

Hmm.. I may be wrong but, my other impression was that you’re not always how you seem. Sounds weird but yup, that’s what I thought! Haha. You’re a really nice guy and fun to be with. I only noticed your quiet and shy side on the last day of the conference. Looks like we got quite a bit in common haha!

Thanks for your support the past few weeks. You listened to me when I was upset that time and gave me your opinions, cheered me on during my CTs.. Don't hesitate to approach me yea. I'll be glad to offer my help! Maybe we can find time to hang out someday? (:

This friendship is special to me too. I appreciate and cherish it. Thank you, Patrick! (:

P.S Hey you use a lot of smileys too ok! >.<"

Hmm. WLC may be just a short 5 days and we didn't really have much time to talk to each other but what Charmaine has said is rather similar to what I think I am.

I think my outlook of life is to take it simply. I don't like to think of life to complicatedly and that sometimes leads to me taking some issues less seriously than I guess I'm supposed to. Gets people pissed off sometimes.

I guess since primary school, one of my main aims when getting to know friends is to be as nice to them as possible. That's something that Christianity has taught me. I have no idea how but it was just the case... And so I like to think from people's perspective and see how they would like me to respond to them. It's kind of good since you're nice and there's less conflicts but it also makes you wear lots of masks and do things against your will. I guess one example would be when people talk to me, even if I don't understand, I'd still nod my head and laugh a little cuz I guess that's the response that would make that person most happy. It's kind of fake sometimes. But I won't regret doing this because I always believe that being nice is good (: I guess it's just the way I do things...

I also like the idea of helping friends out when they're having difficulties. Makes you feel like a real friend (:

about the shy part, I guess I'm heavily influenced by who I am with. But I guess it's the same for a lot of people. When I'm with my class or 4B friends or some people whom I can relate to easily, chatting to them seems so easy and that's why I guess I'm known to talk a lot of cock. ><>< It gets tiring sometimes but it's better than not doing anything... sometimes i wonder whether these people you can't relate to can be considered friends. haha. Isn't friendship supposed to let you feel more relaxed? Not sure.. haha.

And since I'm on this point, I guess I need to learn from loads of people on how to open myself up. I need to talk moreee! RARH. Sometimes, I regret not reading up more cuz my general knowledge approaches zero and when people start talking about movies/dramas/geography/history/news, I'm usually lost about what they are talking and in such a case, you can't do much except nod your head. Wonder how I can make up for that. But that's why I admire people like Sixuan and Matthew who can talk off their heads so freely. (: Oh and Chanel too, she's damn good at it hahaha. I think it's something to do with personalities luh because I'm not exactly alone in such problems. I bet lots of people face similar problems too. But it's always better to work on the problems and make yourself overcome them isn't it?

All right, this is a rather disorganized post. Need someone to do some summary/reorganizing for me ><

On another note, who wants a Green Tech WLC outing? (: Environmental Law had theirs today. AND WHERE'S WLC APPRECIATION DINNER! HAHA. (:

and must remember to bring yutian's markers. zomg. i think she's getting pissed lol.

Patrick

501th post.

okay without even realizing it, i've passed the 500 mark of blog posts. (:

i think it's quite an achievement. i'm not really someone who writes a lot but somehow my blog posts all seem very long. and how my blog all started out was an even lamer story... Shall say it for the benefit of those who forgot/don't know.

My blog started cuz my Dad gave me 2 options when I was sec 2 to do in order to get a break time. Either do 1 assignment or set up a blog. Weighing the pros and cons and doing a simple cost-benefit analysis, i realized that setting up a blog was much easier >< so i did that. and it's become like that. I'm starting to regret what i put as my url for my blog but i guess it's all right and I can live with it. it's better than changing blogs all the time...

Hmm shall talk a bit about friday.

Friday was totally tiring. lessons were already tiring but followed jun sheng around after school for commz d stuff. supposed to be a slack-around session for me but randomly saw some nat day people so sat with them. ><>< hahaha. wth. my precious sleep time. ah nvm at least i got to know what's happening.

den after that went for an informal YAH meeting with Jun Sheng. Jiankai, Gloria and Melinda were there. haha. It's quite cool. They're making videos for YAH and they are super pro >< wth. can give kenneth a run for his money. hmm really looking forward to seeing their videos. anyway it's quite cool to have such meetings and get to know people sessions. esp. since gloria was the co-winner of the musical chairs and co-kanna-sabo-ed for nobody dance... haha.

so that was quite fun. (: but i totally just slept without bathing once i got home. zomg. this has been a tiring week esp. since i'm a little sick. ><

den today woke up damn early for college day. zomggg i totally wanted to sleepp till 12 noon but had to drag myself up. mm okay luh nothing much to do since this year's college day is smaller scale and since my duty area is rather ulu (outside SAC). In the end, I joined Ryan and Marcus at the lift area >< the food was good though.

haha had a nice time during dinner too (: it's interesting listening to what people think of others haha.

ahhh. okay nat day is coming up better now. at least krabbypenny, krabbymooty and krabbypatty have come up with a substantial proposal. haha. I really want to make it good. After all it's just 2 weeks of chionging before our function is over. Really want to make nat day superb (: I really want it to become like a taiwanese gameshow. zomggg. damn nice and funny.

Looking forward to YAH anniversary as well. I want to get a really good group of people to work with me hahaha. (: so fun.

ah. shall dedicate a post to James soon (:

ISLE is restarting next week too mmhmm.

Patrick

CTs!

ah CTs are over and it's back to school.

Somehow, these CTs seemed to pass very fast (maybe because mugging time was only 1 week and test period 4 days) but it's given me a chance to catch up on a lot of work esp. Econs. I guess I need to thank God for giving me the ability to understand concepts easily. It's helping me a lot and I think it's a very useful skill.

okay so results.

P: A
C: A
M: A
GP: B
E: E

haha. rarh. I'm rather happy with my grades except physics where i had 8 marks worth of careless mistakes and Econs cuz i did Short Run for essay which meant that for the first 15 min or more of the test, I effectively got 0 marks.

Really happy for chem though and GP, didn't expect a B. ><

Was aiming for an A,A,A,B,B but I guess that was too ambitious. haha. I won't say I didn't make expectations because I only mugged for one week due to WLC because to be honest, I think I mugged more than enough but on the day itself, some stuff just didn't come out.

Well, time to look forward now. SPAs coming up. totally hate them.

Patrick

Goodbye

It's all come too suddenly.

Hmm today, went for Sam's graduation ceremony. Hmm kind of glad for him that he's graduating haha. finally can go to work and dun need to keep slacking at home heh. He's been slacking around for the past dunno how many months playing dota and suanning me and watching movies zzz...

The commencement was quite nice. Everything was planned rather well but somehow it seemed to lack some element of what I would call "rah-rah". It's so different from the ceremonies in RI and RJ. Maybe it's just because I wasn't participating in the commencement so I didn't feel the atmosphere. But ah just a feeling.

- went to sleep -

Update: Wednesday

Ahh. just went for limelight 2009. It was superb haha. I just love band music. Some parts were a little boring and I didn't appreciate some parts as much as Lumpy did but it was really nice. esp. towards the end. Lumpy said they did well and their passion really showed through and I can't agree more. Towards the last few songs, you could see everyone (esp. jerald and the other 2 girls whom i dont know) swaying to the beat and you could see they were enjoying themselves. I really wanted to be on stage to be with them. It's just different when you are performing. But I guess I'll get my chance next time.

mm after concert had a fun time camwhoring with 4B people hahaha. damn fun please and i totally love the view at esplanade rooftop at night. ahhhh. should go there more often (:

mm had a chance to talk to people as well. hahaha. ying er was soooo funny but honestly luh, it was her ><... hahaha. but still she's soooo funny haha esp. her disappointed look at kenneth (: hahahaha. hmm oh saw Mr. Eddie Koh there too! managed to take a few photos with him (: he's such a cool teacher. A bit like Mr. Kenneth Kwok. Then, our row was the CCAD row so I saw loads of council people. And of course others like HongBo, Jeremy, Ziyi and loads of other people. It's just great to see friends around and have fun with them. Oh how can I forget Yutian and her scandal (: hmm shall post about CT on another post cuz this post is all about 4B and us getting high for limelight! haha. really damn cool can! at the end we were really damn damn high ><

ahhhh missing that feeling now. hoping tmr will be a fun day at school (:

Patrick!

personality test

hmm just did some personality test on facebook. it's just 20 questions but i think the description is quite true.

Results!
Openness: 50%
Conscientiousness: 69%
Extraversion: 75%
Agreeableness: 88%
Neuroticism: 38%

Openness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 5.5% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is down-to-earth and prefers things to be simple and straightforwards. You might say that it just makes life easier if things don't change unnecessarily, that the arts are of no practical use to you, and that you think tradition is more important than others do. Your friends' descriptions suggest that they generally agree with this view.

Conscientiousness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 65.5% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who avoids foreseeable trouble through purposefully planning, and achieves success through persistence. From your responses it appears that you are reliable and prepared for life's challenges. However, your friends' descriptions suggest that they see you as someone who is more prepared than you think, and so they would put their trust in you to get something done.

Extraversion

This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 72.6% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is energetic and active. Your answers describe you as someone who enjoys and actively seeks out social occasions, and that you especially enjoy talking with a big group of people. Your friends' descriptions suggest that they generally agree with this view.

Agreeableness

This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 94.5% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is extremely easy to get along with. Your responses suggest that you would say you are considerate, friendly, generous and helpful and you consider most other people to be thoroughly decent and trustworthy. Your friends' descriptions suggest that they generally agree with this view.

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)

This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 38.2% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is calm and emotionally stable. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who is rarely bothered by things, and when they do get you down the feeling does not persist for very long. However, your friends' descriptions suggest that they feel that you are less emotionally stable than you think. You project yourself as someone who gets stressed out by things more easily than you realise.

---

haha i think it's quite true luh.

but then i don't quite agree with all the career choices they provided me with which included nursing, education and accounting. haha.

actually, to be trutful, i dont mind getting any job as long as im working with friends. i guess that also means i prefer a job where there is more interaction with people. but of course, these people must be my friends and not the kind you interact for business. which is why i always dream of setting up some company/VWO with my friends (: wouldn't it be so cool! although we wouldn't earn as much as we may want to, we will still be able to have fun everyday!

wonder whether my dream will ever come true...

Patrick

music

today i dug out one of the few music CDs that I've ever bought in my life which I purchased in ChangChun. It's some piano pop pieces. I bought it in China cuz it was damn cheap and had loads of songs (37 to be exact). But when I listened to it, was kind of disappointed cuz it was all instrumental with no singing. But today I listened again and realized I did like quite a lot of the songs. Decided to check the MVs out on youtube and found this song which I really like (:



omg. really nice.

today has been a relatively sian day. All day, I was reading wiki, finding out more about manchester united players lol. And of course some of the greatest managers of all time. Wonder why there is no hype about Barca manager even though he won the treble in his first season in charge in Barca. Isn't it such a great feat? But nvm, I'm still a Man U fan. Actually, I don't really know how I became a Man U fan. I guess it was influenced by my bro? But how exactly I'm not sure.

Also decided to start reading Partners in Crime by Agatha Christie. Bought the book years ago but didn't understand it then. Well, at least I understand it now but I think I bought the wrong book cuz the book is a parody of lots of detective classics like sherlock holmes and i haven't read any of them so i don't understand the parodies but I guess it's still an intersting read.

Tmr is Sam's graduation. Feeling glad for him (:

haixx. i feel super sian now. shall sleep.

Patrick

boredom.

procrastination.

School today was all right. Wasn't exactly terribly exciting but I guess I survived it. (: I think Mrs. Low is a great Econs lecturer. She manages to explain concepts so well. The problem is that she goes through so much stuff in 1 hour that I think I've reached my saturation point and although I understand what she is saying when she says it, I kind of forget it right after that when she goes on to the next point. so i desperately need the slides ><

today, met Michelle and Mark's class in the lift while going up for math. zzz. Mark anyhow go publicize my chem and math marks... >< but good thing i was in the lift with mark. managed to kope one of his bread that he bought from breadtalk! WOOHOO!

and den after school, managed to catch up with Aaron Tang. hahaha. It was quite funny. Was walking with Jiggy and Jun Sheng to J8 to take bus and then saw Aaron halfway who was walking from J8 to thomson road so that he could take a direct bus home. Managed to persuade him to walk to J8. Then, at the crossroad, saw a 410 which was about to come so ran with Aaron all the way back to the 410 bus stop just in time for the bus. (: Had lots of fun talking to him again. Really reminds me of all the fun time we had together at bishan park catching spiders, at IBN pantry... It was a totally fantastic experience that I will never forget. just glad that we can still talk and joke around like the past (:

hmm after returing home, i've been slacking around and sleeping for most of the time. zzz. procrastination. let's list the things that i need to do...

1. SATS zzz.
2. PW - WR chapter 1 and presentation and survey results
3. Chem Tutorial

zzz. feeling sian again.

Patrick

School

School nowadays has been rather slack. Thanks to H1N1.

It's been a while since I've been able to come home before 6pm but I seem to have done so for every day this week. Wonder whether this is something good or bad. I guess it's good because I can finally relax after such a tiring first half of the year and give myself some time to reflect on stuff. But it isn't that good cuz I find myself lazing around. Not much motivation to study now cuz the exams aren't even close. I guess that's the reason why I'm blogging so much this week. Not much opportunity to do so once H1N1 is over. (:

School today was totally slack. Lessons have been rather informal so far (esp. chem) because it's Post-CTs and today had 3 straight free periods 'cause PE was some short briefing. Not exactly a very exciting day I guess.

But during the break, got a chance to catch up with friends like Eugene and Jerald and Jie Liang whom I seem to be meeting a lot in school. And Yingmin too. i think i met her 4 times in school today. Even though we ran for council together, I guess we aren't exactly that close so it's just a smile and a "hi" everytime we walk past but I guess that's the way it has to be. Can't expect too many close friends in you life, can you?

Well, managed to spend some time chatting with Yuheng as well. I find her really very interesting. She reminds me of Wanen somehow. Always smile with big reactions whenever she sees a friend and super gullible. haha. I guess the only thing different between them is that Wanen whacks people but Yuheng doesn't. Or maybe she does just that I don't know about it? But yeah she's really interesting and nice to talk to. I need to learn her smile haha.

Chem lesson today was all right I guess. Still prefer Mrs. Kua's teaching. She totally rocks at putting the right concepts into your head. I'm not sure but I think that my chem results so far have been really good because of my good foundations laid in sec 3 and 4. So studying chem now takes much less time. Guess I'll have to go thank her some day (: But the new teacher is all right I guess. More of a "drilling-for-A-Level" teacher" and that'll help me a lot.

Math lessons are becoming a little bit more normal. At least the front part of the lesson was really relaxing because I understood what was going on. The back part was a lot harder but I still understood bits of it so that's good. I think this way of teaching is better than the previous method of starting hard before going back to the simpler stuff which I thought made it rather confusing. But I still very much prefer Mr. Kwa's way of teaching. (: But I guess that's just a personal preference.

haha the SHINE algorithm dance will be up again on Saturday at Iluma Bugis. hmm should I go?

All right, this is a very disorganized entry. Can't wait for CO to start again.

Patrick

Charmaine

"Yesterday while I was leaving the lift, I had this sudden urge to smile. So I smiled at this maid who was about to enter the lift. And she smiled back. Totally made my day. (:"

- Charmaine

This post is dedicated to another of the special friends I made this year - Charmaine.

I guess at WLC, I didn't really have much of a chance to interact with many people. But one group of friends that I found at WLC was team NYP (: haha.

But like many friends, many of these friendships fade off very quickly. I'm glad I'm still talking to Charmaine though. I actually think we are quite similar. And hmm very similar to Jackson too.

We didn't really get to know each other much during the conference because of our busy schedules. But seeing her blog and chatting with her online randomly sometimes is usually quite comforting. Charmaine is a very sensitive person who's also rather sentimental. But what stands her out once again, like Jackson, is that she truly cares for her friends.

"I really wish there is someone in my life who could see through me each time I lie about my unhappiness."

I guess I feel this way a lot of times too. And although we aren't that close, she helped me out during a time when I was feeling down after WLC. Somehow, whenever I talk to her online, her smile manages to come through (maybe she uses a lot of smileys?) and it's a very relaxing feeling.

"... I want more than anything else to be a psychologist to make people happy. I may not be able to solve everyone's problems. But I can be a listening ear any time of the day, a shoulder to cry on, offering opinions from various point of views."

What she thinks and how she thinks relates to my feelings very well. Guess that's why we continue to be friends even as WLC has drawn to a closure and lots of friendships broken up after the short 5 days together. I sincerely hope that this one wouldn't though. Because she, like Jackson, has become one of my role models in life. (:

Continue smiling everyday Charmaine! And with your hard work and determination, I'm sure you'll achieve your dream! Thanks for showing me how a great friend should be! (:

Patrick

Jackson

It's my third post today. Wonder why I'm in such a blogging mood. But I knew I just had to blog this post.

This post is dedicated to one of the special friends I've made this year in SHINE.

I've made a lot of new friends this year probably because of the various activities I've participated in. From Council and YAH to Chingay and 6R... But I guess one of the more special friends I've made this year is surprisingly not someone I meet very often. In fact, I think we've met less than 10 times. He's JACKSON from SHINE! (:

I guess joining pubs comm in SHINE was one of the best decisions I made this year. Comparing Yitao's SHINE entry to mine and maybe you'd figure why. I don't think that the pubs team is exactly a team of really pro people. Other than SK who has loads of knowledge about advertising, the majority of the team had zero knowledge about advertising before joining SHINE pubs. But what made us special was our character. And one person who really shined (lol) to me was jackson.

Everyone's first impression of him (including mine) would already be a good one. He's outgoing, always smiling and really very friendly. In fact, I always aim to be something like that. Looks like I've got a new role model heh?

But he's a lot more than just that. Especially during recent weeks when I felt a little down, he kept coming up to ask me how i was feeling. I wasn't exactly too keen on telling my problems to him at first because he isn't exactly that close to me. But eventually I told him a little and he gave me lots of good advice.

I guess I can't really say that much about a person whom I've only met 10 times but he's definitely a great friend to have. He always gives me support whenever I need it and I guess one great thing about him is that he always smiles. But the best thing about him is that he really shows his care for his friends. (:

And that's something I should learn.

Thanks Jackson for all that you've done and have fun in NS. With your smile and character, you'd definitely become the most popular guy in pulau tekong (:

Patrick

My great friends from 4B'08!

"i am glad, that fate brought us together, to be what we are today. all of us, each with a different story to tell, from entirely different classes, to me i think that's really quite a miracle and a feat that i'm starting to get impressed. i think i can go watch the class video now, although i would prefer not to for fear of creating a swimming pool here"

- Kenneth Yong

"...but i guess it was really the day-to-day activities in school which really showed how close we were. having recess and lunch together as a class was usually the best times i had in school and talking cock with ying xiang and suanning him everyday was fun haha. sigh. won't get to do that next year... so 4B just owns."

- Patrick, Dec 08

Yay. Another inspiration from Kenneth's long post which I shall talk about.

Shall start by talking about last year's graduation night. Grad night was an emotional experience for many people. I remember seeing Jun Sheng, Kenneth and many others cry. Everyone was hugging each other, giving each other well wishes for the coming year. To me, however, it wasn't exactly that emotional. I didn't cry. I did hug lots of people but perhaps not with as much emotions as others. I believed then that RJ would be even better. After all, my classes always seemed to get better, didn't they. 6H'04 was great with Dewei and Max. 2H'06 was great with Edward, Ying Jie, Rich and Kejing. 4B'08 was even better. I guess I took for granted that being in such a great class like 4B wasn't a given.

This year, joining 6R, I was forced by many to think of withdrawing from Math RA to get out of a scholar class. But I firmly believed that this was the right class for me to be in. Just like 3B'07. But somehow, the feeling is just different.

Every day after school in 6R, everyone leaves the class. Tuesday epitomised everything. Class was dismissed from GP. I went to toilet for 2 minutes. By the time I came out, everyone was gone and I had to chase after Edmund so that someone could walk with me to the MRT.

It's just a different feeling from 4B. in 4B, everyone couldn't bear to leave the class everyday. We would stay in the class for some while, talking to each other after school joking around before going to the canteen to have lunch together and walking out of school together.

Luckily for me, in 6R, there are still a few really good friends like Zhiyu and Edmund whom i am rather close to now. haha. (:

But nothing will ever beat 4B. I finally understand after so long why people were so emotional during grad night. It's the feeling of not being able to be with 4B anymore. It's the feeling of leaving such close friends whom you have been spending nearly everyday with for the past 2 years. I still think of the every day incidents between me and Ying Xiang, me and jun sheng and kenneth and jinghui when i sit at the back of the class for chem. I still think of the times after recess when Jerald, Eugene and I would be drumming on the tables while people like Lumpy curse and swear on our lousy music. haha. I can remember the times when the whole class became so enthu about class decor, staying back to hang up the fantastic spider web (:

And to think we are still so close now makes our friendship much deeper than those I had in P6 and probably sec 2. Those were my best friends but they didn't stand the test of time. I, however, firmly believe that this 4B friendship will last forever.

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Yup. I guess that's why we are true friends. It's because there is always something to talk about amongst us even though we have been friends for so long. We enjoy each other's company and I love each and everyone of you.

I don't really want to go talking about why and how all these happened because there are so many reasons including RA and stuff. I just believe that everything has a purpose and this happened because it had a purpose too. So I just want to end off with one question.

What would I be now without 4B'08?

Patrick

Family (:

"my sister's been at orientation camp since yesterday. the house seems really dull and empty without her around. ... i think probably, besides my parents and my friends, the next person who has had so much impact in my life is my sister.

i probably haven't really thought through this before, but come to think of it now, my sister has really been one whom i can't demand more from. i mean, i don't talk to her about anything at all actually, not school stuff, not my troubles, nothing. but it's like, whenever i see her, whenever she says something to me, my life brightens up, instantly...

i love you, jie."

- Kenneth Yong

Hm I guess I'm similar to Kenneth in many ways. And to be truthful, I experienced what I guess Kenneth would be experiencing now 8 years ago. I remember vividly the day when I was on the boat to Pulau Tekong, sending Mike off on his army journey. I cried on the boat that day. It just seemed impossible that my brother was leaving the family after seeing him everyday for the past 10 years. It just isn't a good feeling. The family suddenly felt emptier.

Then, within 2 years, it was Sam's turn to go to army. It certainly wasn't a good feeling either. And Michael was off to USA in no time for his studies. I remember sending him off at the airport. I didn't really feel anything much while going to the airport. But at the departure hall, as we bid farewell, it took me much effort to resist my tears from flowing down. My brother was going to fly away to some unknown land for 4 years.

And within another 2 years, it was Sam's turn to go into university. He was going to live in the hostel which basically meant that he wasn't coming home often. He would probably return on weekends for a short while before leaving for hostel again.

Then, when I was sec 2, Dad went off to Hong Kong to work for a year. That wasn't exactly nice either. Although I don't really talk to Dad that often everyday, but I sleep with him every night (okay a bit weird but yeah...) and suddenly, my bed felt empty too.

Recently, with all the random stuff that I had to attend to, I used to come back home for dinner around once or twice a week. That feeling wasn't good at all.

Somehow, the family began to feel emptier and emptier. One by one, everyone seemed to be going on their own seperate paths. The dishes during dinner reduced from 5 or 6 in primary school to 2 or 3 now. Sometimes, I felt as if the everyone was leaving me behind. Sometimes, I feel sad that the age gap between me and my brothers had to be so large. Sometimes, I longed for a brother who was around my age. Then, we would be able to do a lot of stuff together. Sure there would be arguments and fights (and probably tickling), but it would definitely be fun.

Soon, Mike will be moving out and moving on with his life.

Soon, Sam too will be starting work. If it's in Singapore, I may be able to see him every night for a few minutes. If it's in Hong Kong, I'd probably not see him at all for a long time...

Is it down to fate that a family has to break up like this?

Sometimes, I long that my family was still in Hong Kong. Then, I'd be able to visit my cousins and have fun with them. As I look through many facebook profiles, I see photos of cousins going out together, having fun, having dinner. For me, I don't even know how many cousins I have. Other than 2 cousins whom I'm a little closer to, I have no idea how my other cousins look like. I have no idea how many aunts or uncles I have. Can these relationships be saved? Probably not. I returned to Hong Kong in sec 2 and we were nearly like strangers who were kept together at the dinner table, being forced to talk to each other because the other aunts and uncles were happily chatting away.

But that does not mean I hate my family. In fact, I love my family very much. I guess I just don't show it in actions. I think I haven't wished my family members a happy birthday for 4 years? I guess I haven't had a proper birthday celebration with a cake since primary school. People are still having "good examination marks celebrations" while to our family, getting back examination marks is just any other topic that lasts merely a minute or two. I guess it's good in a way since I don't feel much pressure when I do my exams...

I truly value the few minutes that I have with my family esp. my brothers whom I don't see often. I understand that they have to move on and I would have done the same thing as them if I were them too. I will treasure any time I have with my family. I will make sure that whatever time we have left will be spent well.

I thank my family for developing to who I am today. I think my parents are fantastic children-developers (for the lack of a better word). I mean just look at Mike and Sam. Mike was in a neighbourhood school in secondary school but that didn't stop him from becoming a top student in Berkeley. Sam too. I always think back of the story where he and Francis (some friend of his) were the only 2 people in the normal acad cohort to ever try the A-Math in the history of the school and probably in Singapore. In the end, Sam and Francis were the only ones in the entire school that year to pick up an A in A-math. Truly amazing.

And I always remember the days in the MRT in P3. We used to live in lakeside then because Sam studied in JJC. My dad works in Boon Lay and my school was in Paya Lebah. Dad used to take the train from Lakeside all the way to Paya Lebah before returning to work at Boon Lay. I remember my mom used to travel from lakeside to Paya Lebah to bring me home everyday. On the MRT, she would start testing me chinese ke4 ben3. omg. Everyday I would be cursing and sulking on the MRT but she insisted on doing it even though every one was looking at us. Then, when we were living in Tampines, Mom would bring me all the way to Ang Mo Kio for tuition, wait for me to finish before bringing me all the way back to Tampines.

My brothers too are a great source of inspiration. I remember telling this random RG career guidance teacher about my brothers and she said that I'd probably feel pressured because of them and she asked me to follow my own path. But to me, what they provide is not pressure, but rather an inspiration. An inspiration for me to believe in myself. Whenever I take a test, I always remember how my brothers used to ace their tests even though they faced such great difficulties. Whenever I play the piano, I always remember how pro my brothers are in singing and I believe that I can do as well. Whenever I go for a run, I always remember that Sam used to be the fastest runner in his dorm in NS and I believe that I can do so too if I work hard enough.

I'll never forget the times when Sam, Mike and me used to go down to play soccer nearly everyday.
I'll never forget the times when Mom would follow me wherever I went and painstakingly gave me Chinese tests, Math and Science assessments and even English spelling tests even though she herself had difficulties pronouncing the words.
I'll never forget the times when Dad would protect my "rest time" (which I remember lasted merely 30-60 min each day in primary school).

It is always painful to see someone leave the family for a long time. And I think it's just a matter of time before everyone just has to take their seperate paths and set up their own families and the whole process starts again.

I just want to say that I'll always remember whatever time that I had with my family and I'll treasure whatever time we have left.

And I believe that I can do it (:

Patrick

Everything has a purpose

everything has a purpose...

i wonder whether this is true. i certainly hope so haha. cuz whenever i make decisions, i always keep looking back to see whether i made the right choice, and it kind of gives me lots of regrets which isn't exactly a good feeling.

i think i'm rather weird. i have 2 types of emotions usually.

The first type was the kind epitomised by the november holidays last year and something that i have been feeling these few days. This is the "damn sian" feeling where you feel like there is nothing to do. But then, you just don't have the mood to do anything except maybe watch drama (which i've been doing so often these few days) and the dramas somehow don't make you that happy after all cuz it makes you either sad because of the sad plot or just soooo envious about their lives. Neither of which are really good feelings.

The second type was the type I felt during term 2. It's the type which you feel when you see a week ahead where from mon to sat you return home at 9pm everyday and wake up at 6am everyday and sunday is the only day you can mug so basically there's no free time. It's okay when you're doing things that you like to do but when there are things that you don't like to do, it just isn't a good feeling.

I guess I need to balance the two.

And i need to find out what makes me happy and start doing more of that (:

I'll find a way to do it (:

all right all right. so anyway today was quite a slack day. chem lecture was rather simple. phy lecture was a little harder but physics to me has always been a go-home-and-mug subject so i guess not understanding much during lectures doesn't matter that much.

chem ct was rather good i guess but i figured i was rather lucky as well. so no point boasting about it.

GP was a little late in the day so my attention started to divert away...

oh yeah, got A*Star Scholarship. Hope the attachment will be fun like in sec 3. Pity there's no one to do project with. It's always better to have a group of friends around you (: but hmm david is going too. hope i can see him (:

Patrick

hm.

it's 11:35 now.

not exactly a good time to start reflecting on what's happened this year.

but after reading LjS's blog, i decided that i should start reflecting too. after all, once the Post-CT mood ends i have no idea whether i'll still have time to blog. sighs. pretty reflective of this year heh?

hm. shall start off with a summary:

This year has been full of "firsts". I have no idea where I got so much courage to try out so many things I'd never thought of trying before. There were tiring times. There were times when I felt like quitting. There were times when I felt what I was doing was useless and I wondered whether I was better off going to sleep. There were times when I felt so bad that my heart completely just ached. But do I regret it? Not really. I only have one regret. But it's one big regret...

All right no more emo-ing. haha. (:

hmm just like in sec 3 and sec 4, i think what makes a year special is always the special events that happen during the year. It's always these things that you somehow remember. But of course, events isn't everything. Friends are another great part of my life. (:

hmm so this is what has made my 2009 so far so special!

1. Chingay
omg. haha. i must have been mad when i signed up in chingay as a motivator. >< hahaha. i remember the scene totally mannz. i went, realized i wasn't assigned and the guy asked me whether i want to be usher or motivator. i was thinking: i'm sure i motivator luh. but somehow, something in me told me to try something that i had never tried before. so i instinctively chose to be a motivator.

well, throughout the trainings, there were many times when i felt like i made a stupid choice. haha. i just totally didn't fit into the group. the entire group was filled with SUPER ENTHU people and although i wouldn't say that i'm not enthu at all, i just felt totally weird in the group. hahaha. so i remember dreading to go for chingay trainings. i didn't know anyone there! in the end, i tried to make friends and break into already-formed-and-bonded cliques but of course it wasn't really that nice.

but well, i enjoyed myself during chingay. i'm just proud that i challenged myself. although i may not have enjoyed chingay as much as i would have liked, the people were still rather interesting. i still remember amanda, tom, kenneth and vimilyn in my group. and of course jie liang (not 4B haha) and friends from HCI. it's not the kind of friendship which will last. but at least i learnt how to network and hmm some cheerleading skills that proved useful for council later on (:

i won't regret joining chingay because i challenged myself...

2. Interact Reject turned Councillor
OKAY the epic incident zomg.

I arrive late for interview...
Me (during interview): Hmm. I did a social documentary. (turns to rj guy) You did it too right?
RJ Guy: (stunned look)
Me (without thinking): WAH! you never do your homework ah!

The comments: Late/Rude.

Everyone whom I told this story to later on just laughed at how dumb i was. haha but as charlotte said, it may be a blessing in disguise because if I got into interact, I wouldn't go for council. (:

And although council isn't exactly my cup of tea, I will never regret joining council because if anything, it has already taught me one thing: how to be nice. (:

I have no idea why. but so far, the most important thing in council to me has been my brilliant buddy, Joelynn! (:

Somehow, she just inspired me to be nice hahaha. Nowadays, before I do something, I always think of whether others would be happy from what I did. I guess Joelynn somehow influenced me into doing this. Not that she explicitly said it or something. But hmm I guess she's just the very very very very nice kind of person.

Jerald said that we were the same type of person. Well, I'm not sure whether we're alike but I definitely want to be more like her haha. I wonder how a person can be so nice (:

and of course, i love my houseD. i really dunno how much we will do at the end of the day. but getting to know such a nice group of people is great. somehow, i feel more at ease in my houseD. (: must be the calming influence of si xuan? ahhaha. nat day hasn't been much but stuff will start coming in i guess. just hope that H1N1 doesn't ruin our efforts.

but whatever the case...

i won't regret joining council because i have become a nicer person from it...

3. RJCO!
RJCO has been a great decision for me. I guess if I joined band I just wouldn't fit in. Not sure why but I feel most at ease when im in CO. somehow, i just manage to talk better and smile more (: haha influence of kweky this time? haha. i really have no idea why mann. but throughout the entire year, i've loved RJCO. the events weren't exactly as great as they came in RICO. no great SYF, no great concert. but i guess at the end of the day it's always the friends that you make in your CCA that matters and in CO i've made some great friends (:

Kweky, Victor, Liyuan, Yong Sheng, Linghui! WOOHOO! XD

i won't regret joining CO because of the great friends I made in it...

4. YAH
Joining YAH has been a great decision. If there's only one thing that I can take away from YAH, it'd be the way that James works.

I admire James for what he does because he puts in his best efforts in whatever he does. And more importantly, he respects everyone and his honesty and smile always comes through everytime I see him. He isn't exactly good in everything esp. when it comes to tech stuff but he doesn't mind being laughed at. He takes it in his stride and because of his great character and smile (which I MUST LEARN), his friends will always help him out. In fact, whenever I don't go for a YAH meeting, i feel guilty cuz of James haha.

But most importantly, James believes in us. I think YAH has come a long way since the beginning of the year and much credit goes to James. He's the main driving force behind this group. He believes in all of us and gives us the space to work and come up with our own ideas and plans. When I get to work next time, James will be one of the role models whom I'll try to emulate. (: Hopefully, I'll be able to do so!

But of course, YAH isn't just about James. haha. it's about all the people as well. the exco, the advocates. I'll do another post individually about YAH when my term comes to an end. but if there is one thing that i regret about YAH, it will be that i didn't do enough. but definitely...

i won't regret joining YAH because of the great role models whom i can emulate now and in the future...

5. SHINE (:
Joining SHINE was also a great decision. Actually, not just SHINE. but more specifically, SHINE PUBS TEAM! WOOHOO!

haha i have to thank aiwei and benjamin for being great people in leading the team. they were totally great and without them we wouldn't have come through everything. but of course, everyone's work was important! SK was especially great with his advertising knowledge but the great thing was that everyone put in a lot of hard work to make things come true. I'd never imagine such a huge youth festival in Singapore. I'd never imagine being able to play a part in such a great festival and even giving an idea for the dance which came true! (:

I thank SHINE PUBS because they make things come true. They make me believe in what I do and make me feel that what I am doing is taken into account. They ensure that everyone's opinions are heard.

and of course, the people in SHINE are super nice. esp. jackson hahahha. dunno why he so nice. another inspiration for me to be nicer yay (:

I won't regret joining SHINE because they give meaning to what I do.

6. MPS
All right MPS! haha. haven't been going since May. but i've gone for 10 times. sufficient to know that MPS is a great place to learn loads of stuff if you have the time hahaha. too bad it's tuesday 730pm. i guess i just can't sustain burning my tuesday evenings every week until i find more time...

the people there are also very nice hahaha. esp. benjamin (: zomg. hahahaha. so sad that i didn't bid farewell to him. in fact my absence came really suddenly when CO started to kick in. sigh. shall go back one day to see them again (: hope i dont get killed for not going haha.

but what i really found meaningful about MPS was that I got to see how very lucky i was to have such a great family. i rarely listen to their stories. in fact, i think i've only done that 5 times? but when you sit at the registration table or usher them, you can see their face. more often than not, they have a smile on their face. they thank you for what you do. but deep down, you know that they are worrying. That to me was something powerful.

i won't regret joining MPS because i got a sneak peak into people's lives.

7. WLC
WLC was another great event haha. although the planning didn't go smoothly and there were several hiccups during the actual event, we still managed to pull through. the most amazing thing about it was how youths nearly single-handedly (okay maybe the ECO interns too!) organized such a large event.

When I first heard about WLC, i was totally in disbelief. I mean, in sec 2, going for beach cleanup already felt impossible. in sec 3, going to taiwan and changchun made me think there couldn't be any CIP that would ever be tougher than those.

Well, it seems like when you believe in what you do, the sky has no boundaries. What seemed impossible became reality in WLC and that was amazing. And to add to that, I could do it with all my great friends from 4B!

i won't regret joining WLC because it made me believe that nothing is impossible...

8. Others
and of course there were many other smaller events which made up the year. Race to Health certainly taught me lots as well regarding planning stuff and executing events. Signing up for the many scholarships and OSAP also gave me much exposure although I didn't succeed in getting any of them. Planning for Raffles Perc was also great because even though it didn't work out in the end, at least it gave us reason to meet up and have fun (: Orientation too was fun and together with Council IRT, I learnt that I should be more proactive in networking! ahhh. got lots to learn there. Participating in music feste was another fun activity!

9. Things to come!
Much more stuff will be coming my way from SHINE, YAH, council and CrimeZero. but for now, i can say that i don't regret whatever that i've done.

at least not now.

and i certainly hope i won't regret it in the future (:

Patrick

PW survey

okay today was PW survey day.

so sad it had to be today. had to miss 3 hours of fun of badminton+table tennis. could have thrashed jiggy mannn. HAHAHA. aiyah! nvm.

anyway, went for YAH meeting in the morning. hahaha. errrr nothing much lol.

den PW survey. omg. we wanted to finish 150 surveys. i thought it would take like maybe from 12 to 8pm? hahaha ended up only take until 330 and we finish everything. (: not bad right! woohoo! PW is finally progressing zzz.

some epic incidents included asking people who i've asked before to do the survey, meeting the same guy at city hall and raffles place (we did the surveys at 2 places) and he gave me the laugh hahahaha. but the most epic one was someone who was smoking and doing survey. hmm seemed like the smoke burnt the paper ahaha. okay not that bad luh. but hmm (: i didn't see it sian.

haha after that went reference library to get more info on sharks. first time i'm so enthu about PW. i'm determined to do my best at whatever i do.

haix. today after YAH meeting, firdaus and benjamin started talking about NS. i'm totally not looking forward to it. hahaha. CAN THE 1.5 YEARS I HAVE LEFT PASS SLOWER. zomg. i can totally imagine myself 1 day before NS on my bed. omg. >< i'd be totally zzz. hahaha but i guess every guy has to go through and hmm i need to do it with an open mind (:

hm got to know a new friend in library today (: haha quite nice (:

okies gotta go bye!

Patrick

Cute video from SHINE festival!

LOL cute (: from shine festival.

Patrick

woohoo

mmhmm.

i shall get back into the habit of blogging (i hope)...

WOW.

okay i shall talk about friday's PW interview.

hmm. so i was the only one who could go for the interview cuz cihan and zhihua were both quarantined and zhiyu was down with a fever. well, at first i thot the only bad thing was that i'd have to wake up early which everyone knows i totally hate. ><

in the end, the walk into acres took 40 mins. OMG. hahahaha. ACRES is really hard to find mann. basically from choa chu kang mrt, need to take a bus to some place and walk in for 1.5km. doesn't really sound that bad bah. 1.5km take 40min? unfortunately, i took the wrong path and OMG haixxx... haha but at least the interview went quite well. (:

today was spent in the reference library stoning away...

ZZZ. I WANT TO SLACK! RARH.

why am i still feeling down sad?

Patrick

SHINE YOUTH FESTIVAL

haha okies so CTs are over (finally).

sigh screwed up econs and probably GP but the other 3 should be fine except for some careless mistakes...

been slacking around these few days. Thursday was outing with 4B friends (: haha duplicity is super cool! omg. okay maybe for the first 1.5 hours, you look stunned and completely lost at what the whole movie is about. But towards the end, everything suddenly pieces together and WOAH. it's some big twist haha. really fun watch but not for those with no patience. need lots of brain work too which may make it unsuitable for a post-CT movie but nvm it was fun (: haha.

Kenneth's house was fun too! hahahha (: FOOD!

been watching nodame and shuang zi xing the past few days. hahaha. okay shuang zi xing is totally drama but damn exciting. haha it's quite cool (: fann wong (:

hmm. okay i said i'd do some wrap-up for SHINE youth festival so here it is!

SHINE YOUTH FESTIVAL OPENING CEREMONY 2009

1. MEET AND STUNT
It was totally fun (: hahaa. started off by going to NYC Somerset at 10am. den changed into the new SHINE shirt which is damn nice but a bit large. hahaha unlike in 4B, this time i sourced for the supplier but didn't design the shirt. hahaa. AIYAH no chance to showcase my brilliant art talent AHEM. ><>
OKAY! haha so cool right (: erps.

2. TAKE FAMILY PHOTOS ACTIVITIES and LUNCH (:
hmm. so after that we went there helped out a bit by going around to ask people about SHINE and take family photos (: hahaha. not bad not bad! so yitao, JACKSON and me went around asking. haha i think we succeeded around 4 times? LOL

den after that it was lunch at macs which was quite fun (:

3. CAMWHORING SESSION
after that CAMWHORING SESSION! hahaha. okay so went around taking photos with mascots (: WHY MASCOTS? haha because this year's SHINE OPENING CEREMONY had a MASCOT PARADE! omg. super cool can? hahahaha.







YAY LOVE THIS ONE (: HAHAHAHAHA!



woooo. blue hair (:



LOL BARNEY BITING HIS FINGERS >< AIYOH NOW H1N1 LEH!



haha this is cute (:



and this one also! HAHAHAHA. JIANKAI kanna pat on his head. (:



okay okay so that was the camwhoring session. later on, yitao, junsheng, bingxu, jiankai and i decided to go try out the JUMPER! hahahaha damn cool (: pics again!




oops. the other way round haha ><

4. MASCOT PARADE WITH YAH (:
HMM. den after that, we were off to the mascot parade! joined YAH in the parade cuz they needed manpower. hahaha. NOT BAD. we got loads of balloons and it was super fun! hahaha. OMG. we were singing all the way during the parade... stuff like:

1. yippie YAH YAH yippie yippie YAH!
2. YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH (in star wars tune)
3. Old mcdonald had a farm yee-YAH yee-YAH oh.

okay and more lame ones hahaha. OKAY PICS (:




5. OPENING CEREMONY WITH SHINE!
hmmm. so after that it was time for the opening ceremony and the now-famed ALGORITHM DANCE. hahaha. can't believe that it really materialised. it was first suggested as an idea for nat day '09 by JOELYNN. but den during SHINE pubs meeting, we couldn't decide what dance to do for opening ceremony so i suggested this (: hahaa thanks to the hard work of everyone (in fact i didn't do much except suggest the idea and go for one rehearsal), WE DID IT (: HAHA. super fun can. and the videos are damn cool HAHAHAHA.



YAH PEOPLE DOING THE ALGORITHM DANCE!


6. POST-SHINE LAUNCH
HAHA. okay den it was fun time (:





7. DINNER
AND OF COURSE. to end off, we had DINNER! at thai express! woohooo. damn nice (:

quite sad i didn't watch much of the performances though. hahahaha. hm yitao should be viewing my videos for the emcee AHEM.

haha. okay cheers, gotta sleep!

PATRICK (:

SHINE!

haha quick post before i go back to studying. hmm. got some SHINE videos uploaded online so just thought i'd share them haha. looks quite cool! must do a post on SHINE opening ceremony after CTs...

1. ALGORITHM MARCH WOOHOO! (:



2. MASCOT PARADE



3. SUPERHERO CONTEST



4. Some costume thingy



YAY. back to mugging! (:

Patrick